Birthday was so much fun.
Studying for midyears.
This year is weird.

I'm trying really hard to like, move on from the past 2 years-ish, but it's pretty difficult, cause there are some days that I just get really nostalgic and sad. I feel kinda alone some of the time and restless. I'm trying to get over the change, I guess, but it's so hard sometimes. Happy Holidays.

UGH
senior bullshit!!!

I wish it was two years ago, before I fucked everything up.

First week of the last year of high school. Bizarre, sad, and nostalgic.  The senior assembly was weird, because I remember when it was freshman year at the assembly and thinking about what it would be like at the senior one but writing it off cause it wouldn't be for forever.  I was wrong, cause it's gone by so quickly, and that makes me really uncomfortable.  When I was in elementary school, every grade was very clearly defined, completely separate phases.  High school has been different, and I feel as though it's been one big, long but short, run.  I think about everything that's happened, and I get sad thinking about how different things are now then from part the time I've been in school.  I think mostly about how much I've fucked up so badly so many times, and the times before that, and I get sad thinking about it, and scared because in a weird way, even though I haven't enjoyed my time in high school, (Putting it nicely), I almost wish that I and everyone I go to school with could just be kind of suspended in time, because no matter how much high school has disappointed me and made me hate people at times, it's not as bad or as scary as moving on to things like college and a career and actually starting to live.

I want to do something really spectacular the last few weeks of summer, because I feel like it's gone by so quickly, and nothing has happened and it just makes me really sad that it's ending.  It almost feels wasted.  I love having an amazing summer to make up for a shitty year, but this one hasn't that amazing.

I've gained weight. ShitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitshitFUCK

I want to adventure somewhere, and I want shit to resolve itself.  Luckily, I think I've gotten used to my situation (finally), and I'm just chillin'.
I really bothers me that people who wouldn't have otherwise are now all, "Yea, Michael Jackson, so influential, etc."  But a few months ago, they would've accused him of being a child molester.  Whatever, I love him.  It was really weird, cause our friend John died the Monday before MJ and Farrah Fawcett died.  And now Billy Mays is dead.  Three icons of their own fields died, and my dad's best friend.  Bizarre.  I feel sort of numb to lots of stuff again, not in like a depressed way, in a way like I don't really care what happens now, because it's not worth it.  Oh, and this probably sounds fucked up, but I don't care.  It bothers me that Allie isn't gay (or atleast that's what she says), when she only fucks guys when she's to drunk to know what she's doing.  It seems just like she's so insecure about herself and her own sexuality and it comes out when she drinks.  Oh, and that she's just horny.  Not that I should talk about other people's sexuality, cause what do I know, right?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iPWeu33s34

lol i love these

Rule #1:
If you open this you take it.
Rule #2:
You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.
Rule #3:
Tag 10 people

Answer True or False
Q: Been arrested? false
Q: Do you like someone? true
Q: Held a snake? true
Q: Been suspended from school? false
Q: Sang karaoke? true
Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do? true
Q: Laughed until you started crying? tgrue
Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue? true
Q: Kissed in the rain? true, sort of
Q: Sang in the shower? always
Q: Sat on a roof top? true
Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? true
Q: Broken a bone? false
Q: Shaved your head? false
Q: Played a prank on someone? true
Q: Shot a gun? false
Q: Donated Blood? false

LAST PERSON.
1. Hung out with? Hannah
3. You were in a car with? Hannah and my mom
4. Went to the movies with? Hannah, Max, Alice, Zach, Navid, Nick,Hanna, Matt, Noah, Sam...
5. Went shopping with? Ugh idek, i dont remember
6. You talked on the phone? mom
7. Made you laugh? hannah, hysterically
8. You hugged? allie, maybe?

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...
1. Sun or moon? moon
2. Winter or Fall? fall
3. Left or Right? both
4. Sunny or rainy? sunny
5. Where do you live? here
6. Club or pub? depends on mood
7. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on? i think?
8. Do you want to get married? idk
9. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? twirl
10. What time is it? 10:40
11. Are you afraid of commitment? naw
12. What is your greatest hope/wish? i won't say, ty
13. Do you cook? shomtimes
14. Current mood? ehh, doubtful, but really trying to still be hopeful and ok

IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...
1. Kissed someone? yep
2. Sang? of course
3. Listened to music? yes
4. Danced Crazy? i dont think so
5. Cried? i dont think so
6. Liked someone you can't have? ugh

25 FIRSTS .....
1. Who was your first prom date? lol no one
2. Who was your first roommate? dont have one
3. What alcoholic beverage did you drink when you got drunk the first time? shitty rum
4. What was your first job? dog wallking
5. What was your first car? mah feets
6. When did you go to your 8
8. Who was your first grade teacher? ms. white
9. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? florida
10. Who was your first best friend? maia
11. Who was your first Best Friend in high school? hmm many people, but who i hadnt been friends with before? Definatly Andrew
12. Where was your first sleepover? maia
15. Who is the first person you call when you have a bad day? idk
16. Who's wedding were you in the first time you were a Bridesmaid or groomsman? never happened
17. What's the first thing you did when you got up this morning? maybe ill see people today WOO
18. What was the first concert you went to? i havent been :<
19. What was the last concert you went to? :'(
20. First tattoo or piercing? helix
21. First celebrity crush? lol idek
22. Current celebrity crush? bah
23. First crush? hmmm
24. First date? HMMMMMMM
25. First time you tied your shoe laces? KG

Five names you go by:
1. Jamie
2. Jame/James
3. Chaims
4. Meems
5. mimii


Three things you are wearing right now:
1. red AA deep v
2. shitty jeans
3. bear feet

Three things you want very badly at the moment:
1.  very specific people
2. sleep
3. homework done

Three people who will probably fill this out:
NO ONE

Two things you did last night:
1. Hung out and went ice skating with Allie, so funsiesl
2. made pokemon mac n cheese at like 12

Two things you ate today:
1. mozzarella/tomato/vinegar sammich yum
2. olive loaf

Two people you last talked to on the phone:
1. mom
2. navid

Three things you are going to do:
1. sleep
2. shower
3. maybe read

Two longest car rides:
1. From Paris to the Dourdonne
2. i dont know, maybe one of the maryland ones

Favorite beverages:
1. apple soda
2. water
3. diet coke





Here's the deal... Start with 100% and subtract 1% for everything that you've done. Don't bother typing answers to the question....it makes it more interesting!
Then repost as _% Virgin..and for everyone who's been tagged you must make your own!

1. Smoked?
2. Drank alcohol?
3. Cried when someone died?
4. Been drunk?
5. Had sex?
6. Been to a concert?
7. Unprotected sex?
8. Sex wit the same sex?
9. Been verbally/sexually harassed?
10. Verbally/sexually harassed somebody?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 94%

11. Felt someone up and/or been felt up?
12. Laughed so hard something came out of your nose?
13. Cheated on a boyfriend/girlfriend before?
14. Been cheated on by a boyfriend/girlfriend?
15. Been to prom?
16. Cried at school?
17. Gotten lost in a WalMart or a department store?
18. Went streaking?
19. Given or received a lap dance?
20. Had someone of the opposite sex in your room?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 86%

21. Had someone of the opposite sex sleep over?
22. Slept over at someone of the opposite sex's house?
23. Kissed a stranger?
24. Hugged a stranger?
25. Went scuba diving?
26. Driven a car?
27. Gotten an x-ray?
28. Hit by a car?
29. Had a party?
30. Done serious drugs?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 81%

31. Played strip poker/darts?
32. Got paid to strip for someone?
33. Ran away from home?
34. Broken a bone?
35. Eaten sushi?
36. Bought porn?
37. Watched porn?
38. Made porn?
39. Had a crush on someone of the same sex?
40. Been in love?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 76%

41. French kissed?
42. Laughed so hard you cried?
43. Cried yourself to sleep?
44. Laughed yourself to sleep?
45. Stabbed yourself?
46. Shot a gun?
47. Trash talked someone and then acted like their best friend the next day?
48. Watched TV for 9 consecutive hours?
49. Been online for 9 consecutive hours?
50. Watched an animal die?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 69%

51. Watched a person die?
52. Kissed and/or messed around somewhere with at least 1 person present?
53. Pranked somebody?
54. Put somebody in the hospital?
55. Snuck into someone's room and/or your own room after being out?
56. Kissed somebody of the same sex?
57. Dressed punk?
58. Dressed goth?
59. Dressed preppy?
60. Been to a motocross race?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 62%

61. Avoided somebody?
62. Been stalked?
63. Stalked someone?
64. Met a celebrity?
65. Played an instrument?
66. Ridden a horse?
67. Cut yourself?
68. Bungee jumped?
69. Ding dong ditched somebody?
70. Been to a wild party?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 58%

71. Got caught stealing something?
72. Kicked a guy in the balls?
73. Stolen a boyfriend/girlfriend from a friend?
74. Went out with your friend's crush?
75. Got arrested?
76. Been pregnant?
77. Babysat?
78. Been to another country?
79. Started your house on fire?
80. Had an encounter with a ghost?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 55%

81. Donated your hair to cancer patients?
82. Been asked out by someone that you never thought you'd be asked out by?
83. Cried over a member of the opposite sex?
84. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend for over 3 months?
85. Sat on your butt all day?
86. Ate a whole carton of ice cream all by yourself?
87. Had a job?
88. Gotten cut from a sports team?
89. Been called a whore?
90. Danced like a whore?

PERCENTAGE SO FAR: 47%

91. Been mistaken for a celebrity?
92. Been in a car accident?
93. Been told you have beautiful eyes?
94. Been told you have beautiful hair?
95. Raped somebody?
96. Danced in the rain?
97. Been rejected?
98. Walked out of a restaurant without paying?
99. Punched someone/slapped someone in the face?
100. Been raped?

FINAL PERCENTAGE: 41%

Ugh, I hate this.

It's raining outside, and I can hear it on my sky-light.  It's probably my favorite sound.
I got me computer back FINALLY.  After not having one for a year, it feel nice.
Hmmm...Things are more confusing then ever, but I guess it's starting to look up?
I wanna go do some ahts >:O

P.S. I also took the SATs on Saturday, it was tireing.

hello we will kill you with flu

 I deleted my facebook.  Mostly cause people were giving me shit on it. omg ~internet harassment~
idk how long this will last HA but w/e w/e.
God, I really hate people sometimes.  They fuck you over.  I'm kinda getting really anxious and I need people to stop.

I love these, it's really bad HA

1. Do you sleep in your bra?
sometimes

4. Do you enjoy drama?
depends

5. Are you a girly girl?
lol no

6. Who was the last person you hugged?
my mom

7. Small or large purses?
medium

8. Are you short?
not really

9. Do you like somebody?
yea, i think

11. Do you care if your socks are dirty?
yes

12. Do you think you’re conceited?
sometimes


13. Do you dress up on Halloween?
yessaaaaaaaah


14. Are you double jointed?
in my left hand

15. Where is the weirdest place you have slept?
Blah idk

16. Has anyone touched/smacked your butt in the past 24 hours?
nope

17. Is there any type of rumor going around about you?
yea, well there was like a few weeks ago

18. Do you call anybody by their last name?
Mo san

[x]I do wear make up.
[] I have cried at a movie theater.
[x] I can put mascara on without opening my mouth.
[x] I get jealous.
[sometimes idk] I think Johnny Depp is sexy.
[mood thing] I love to laugh.
[sometimes, mood] I like death/grind/black metal.
[certain kinds] I like rap.
[sometimes] I like techno.
[certain kinds] I like country.
[not usually, phase thing] I carry a purse.
[x] I’d be lost without my computer.
[x] I own a Spice Girls CD.
[x] I own a Britney Spears CD.
[x] I own a boy band CD.
[x] I get bored watching football.
[] I’ve never been called a spoiled brat.
[sometimes] Guys are confusing.
[] I’ve been called a bad influence.
[] I have/had a piercing other than my ears.


Come on ladies, be truthful!
1. What color is your bra that your wearing?
orange

2. Do you prefer light or dark haired guys?
  doesn't matter

3. Are you currently frustrated with a boy?
sort of

5. Do you have a best friend?
many

6. Have you ever had your heart broken?
lol

7. Have you ever thought of having plastic surgery?
yea

8. Do you like your life?
sometimes

11. Have you ever jumped in the pool with your clothes on?
yea

12. Do you have more friends that are girls or boys?
  hmmmm probs girls

13. How long have you had a facebook?
freshman year

14. Have you ever slapped a boy in the face?
yea navid

15. What are your biggest fears?
i have a lot

16. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep?
pshhhhhhhhh :'(

17. Have you ever not been able to get someone off of your mind?
ugh yea

18. Do you believe in the saying “once a cheater, always a cheater?"
depends

19. Have you ever had a good feeling about something?
yes

20. Do you ever wish you were famous?
yea

21. Are you currently missing someone?
  yea :/

THIS GUY OR THAT GUY? PICK ONE

Cowboy or Gangster?
Cowboy, on his steel horse he rides.

Preppy or Punk/Goth?
somewhere in between plz

Face or Body?
depends on who

Sweet or Sexy?
hmmmm bothish

Armani or Abercrombie?
plz armani

Contacts or Glasses?
depends, both

DO IT, its a girl survey.

01. Eyeliner or Mascara?
both

02. Louis vuitton or dooney & bourke?
  meh neither

03. American eagle or Hollister?
AE cuter undies

04. Pumps or flats?
depends on mood

05. Skirts or pants?
depends on mood and weather

06. Socks or leggings?
depends on person, for me,  probs socks

07. Hoodies or jackets?
hoodies or really nice jackets

08. Heels or sneakers?
both

09. Straight or curly hair?
depends on who

10. Hoop or dangling earrings?
both

13. White or black?
zebra

14. Victoria’s secret or bath and body works?
victoria's secret for bras, but body works for creams and soap shits. is this even a question?

15. Smoothies or lattes
depends on mah modd yo

16. Diet or regular sodas?
diet

17. Water or daiquiris?
depends, usually water

18. Pearls or diamonds?
neither

20. Mary-Kate or Ashley Olsen?
probs ashley, cause she seems the most ~stable~ but i cant really tell the dif

22. iPod or cell phone?
cell phone, ipod, both plz

23. Friends or family?
both

24. Lip gloss or lip stick?
shtick

25. Manicure or pedicures?
manicure

27. Tank tops or beaters?
tank tops

28. Tiffany’s or Chanel?
chanel, idg this comparison cause tiffany's is jewlery but chanel is like...some of everything

29. love or peace?
both

30. Sunglasses or purses?
shades

IN A GUY...

Funny or Serious?
funny, knows when to be srs

Romantic or Daredevil?
romantic

Dark Eyes or Light Eyes?
light, dark, not to important

Long Hair or Short Hair?
not to long or to short

Curly Hair or Straight Hair?
curly if its short

Clean-cut or Rough?
depends

Basketball Player or Football Player?
lol groce

Smoker or Non-smoker?
non, depends on who and how much they smoke

Drunk or Sober?
sober

Druggie or Clean?
clean :<

Has a Motorcycle or Has a Sports Car?
motorcycle >:P

Player or Loyal ?
loyal

Happy April, I need to post more.  I'm confused cause certain people are sending mixed signals.  It's raining today.  Really hard.  It's kinda nice, as long as I'm not in it.  Blah I've been so tired recently.  Mixed feelings about the end of the year and Twitter.  I'm excited cause I'm drawing more.

I went to BAGLY yesterday, I don't really know why, and I hooked up with Eli, which was weird.  A week ago my mom found a thing of cheap whisky in my drawer, and she took it, and she confronted me about it today and was like, "I want to be able to trust you and know that you won't do shit balh blah," (this was prompted by me lying about where I was last night), and it's kinda hard 'cause there's tons of shit that I can't just tell her straight up about.  I think Daniel Gippetti likes me, which is weird, too.  My computer has so many viruses, it sucks.  I can't upload anything to the internet, which is a lot more inhibiting then you'd think.  My itunes also doesn't open anymore.  I talked to Allie for the first time in forever on Friday, which was kinda whoa-ish.  It makes it so much harder.  She's changed so much, but I still really love her, I think.  It's getting really hard to deal with.  From me talking to her, it made me never wanna drink again or smoke or anything, cause I told her how I got this pipe and bong thing when I was away and she was like, "Whoa, you've changed."  I really don't think I have, but whatever.  I want her to like me a lot again, even though she's crazy.  I'm starting to really hate myself again, like I can't live with myself, when I think about I feel gross.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=to1UUaV1UzY&eurl=http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/32626421.html

this video is so awful but i am dying omg
the oscars were badass
things still suck
but idk really know how i feel anymore
i just wanna get crunk ngl

I've been sick and achy the last few weeks, so that sucks.  There's been a lump in my boob for awhile and I just got it checked out today.  She was like it's probs just a cyst but your mammogram is on monday anyway lol and I was like ...cuuuuuuute

Happy Febuary.  My birthday was a week and a half ago.  It was kinda weird, cause most of my close friends forgot completely, and all these random people remembered.  It really, really sucked.  I really can't deal with anyone.  Omg my LJ jas been sounding all emo pain latelyish, so sorry, I guess. This year is gonna suck so much, cause the trend from the last three months isn't slowing down.

This past month and a little bit, I guess around Thanksgiving, mehbeh a little after, has sucked harder then I thought possible.  I want to go back so badly. Like I'm dying, ugh.  Happy New Year, anyway

[ ] stayed single
[x] got kissed
[x] kissed someone new
[ ] kissed in the snow
[ ] kissed in the rain
[x?] had my heart broken
[ ] broke someone else's heart
[ ] had a stalker
[x] lost a friend
[x] had a good relationship with someone
[x] questioned my sexual orientation
[ ] came out of my closet
[ ] got pregnant
[ ] had an abortion
[ ] got married
[ ] had a divorce
[x] met someone that I will never forget
[x] did something I regret
[x] lost faith in love for awhile
[ ] kissed under mistletoe
[ ] got my first job
[ ] got a promotion
[ ] got a pay raise
[ ] changed jobs
[x] lost my job
[ ] quit my job
[ ] dated a co-worker
[ ] dated my boss
[ ] dated my boss's son/ daughter
[ ] got fired from my job
[ ] failed a class
[x] cut class
[x] skipped school
[x] did something I was proud of
[ ] fell in love with a teacher
[x] was involved in something that I will never forget
[x] painted a picture
[ ] wrote a poem
[x] ran a mile
[x] listened to music I couldn't stand
[x] double dipped
[ ] skinny dipped
[x] went to a sleepover
[x] went to camp
[ ] threw a surprise party
[ ] laughed till I cried
[x] flirted shamelessly
[x] visited a foreign country
[x] visited a foreign state
[ ] cooked a disastrous meal
[x] lost something important to me
[x] got a gift I love
[x] realized something new about myself
[ ] tried to gain weight
[x] dyed my hair
[ ] came close to losing my life
[x] someone close to me died
[ ] went to a wild party
[ ] got arrested
[x] read a great book
[x] saw a great movie
[ ] saw a movie so scary that it made me cry
[ ] saw a favorite band live
[x] did something that I want to tell someone but cant
[x] experienced something new
[x] made new friends
[ ] found out who your real friends are
[x] lied to your parents
[x] snuck out
[x] got in trouble with police
[ ] kissed in a pool
[ ] kissed under the stars
[x] did an illegal drug
[x-sort of] went to a party
[x-probably] had the time of your life
[x] danced
[ ] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone
[x] changed your sexual preference
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went snowboarding
[x] went sledding
[ ] slept in past 2pm
[x] held someones hand
[x] held someones hand that you care about
[x] told someone you like them as more than a friend
[x] gone on vacation
[x] gone on vacation with a friend
[ ] driven a car
[ ] danced in the rain
[ ] seen someone get in a car accident
[ ] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[meh] had an amazing year
[x] missed someone
[ ] got hit by car
[ ] sent someone to the hospital
[ ] got sent to the hospital
[x] got a new pet
[meh, up and down] enjoyed this year